How to Start a Conversation Online When You Do Not Know Anyone

Most failed online conversations fail in the first line. 'Hi' puts all the work on the other person, and they are as unsure as you are.

In short: Start with something concrete about your situation or the room, ask one open question, and react properly to the answer. That sequence works in any room in any country.

Give them something to hold

'Hi' offers nothing. 'Just got off a twelve-hour shift and I am too wired to sleep' offers three possible replies. The more specific you are, the easier you make it for someone to answer.

Twelve openers that work

What is the weather doing where you are? What are you listening to? Best thing you ate this week? What are you avoiding doing right now? What city is this room reaching tonight? What is on your screen? Weekend plans? Last film you finished? What is the local time for you? What made you open a chat room tonight? Coffee or tea? What is something small that went well today?

Keep it going

React before you ask again. 'That sounds exhausting - which shift is worse, nights or early mornings?' shows you read the answer. Then share the equivalent about yourself, so it becomes an exchange rather than a survey.

Recovering a stalled chat

Change topic openly. 'Random question -' is a perfectly acceptable rescue. If two rescues fail, the other person is simply not in the mood, and that is not about you.

If English is not your first language

Nobody in a chat room grades grammar. Short sentences are easier to read anyway, and most rooms are full of second-language speakers being patient with each other.

Know when to stop

One-word replies twice in a row means it is finished. Say good night and move on with no hard feelings.

Frequently asked questions

What is a good first message?

Something specific about your situation, plus one open question.

Why does nobody reply to 'hi'?

It gives the other person nothing to respond to.

How do I keep a conversation going?

React to the answer, then share something of your own before asking again.

What if they stop replying?

Let it go. People get busy or distracted, and it is rarely personal.

Is small talk pointless?

No, it is how strangers test whether a longer conversation is worth it.

Related guides

Join a chat room now

The rooms are free, open around the clock and need nothing but a nickname. Pick a name, say hello and see who is online.